Recently I was going through my cousin's blog and I came across a very strong post. The post was titled 'Ridiculously religious'.Atleast he is sure he believes in god and hope he exists. I have been thinking about the existence of god for years now and everytime when people ask me if I believe in god I really didnt know what to say.There are times I have said yes and sometimes I have said no,not very sure of what I was saying every single time.What came in my mind then, I let it out in words if I really had to answer anyone's question.The next likely question would be 'Why dont you believe in god?!'.That's where I used to get stuck,I didnt have any answer then nor do I have an answer now.Yes definitely there are Holy books from each and every religion that says God exists. So how many God's really do exist?! Each one for every religion?! The fact there is only one god makes a lot of sense when you keep hearing people say 'The All Mighty'.
Back in my school days in Saudi there were verses of Quran being recited as a part of the morning assembly.We used to always have a translation to the original verse in english.It always said 'In the name of the all mighty,the most gracious,the most merciful'.I dont know what the Quran says but atleast they believe there is an all mighty power.There is some sense in Islam.Everyone who is a muslim believes in Allah.
Once again back in Saudi there were these prayer groups,christians.Some made lot of noise whereas some were the silent praying kinds.Here nothing makes sense,there are different groups! People who believe in Jesus,those who dont,those who believe in god knows what,those who wear jewellery,etc.I failed to understand all this over years and over time I have found most beliefs really ridiculous! Oh yes,once for easter I had gone to this church(more or less like a huge workshop converted to church), I had been forced to go for it.It was a couple of years back,I really didnt gain anything from going there than just raising hands up in the air and shouting out loud 'Alleluya!'.No idea what that meant but yes I found it weird and I decided that I would never go to such a church again.I do find a lot of peace going to the Infant jesus church in Blore,its quiet and its very relaxing.
Coming to hinduism,I am still very clueless about different gods, god names, their incarnations, their respective stories,etc. Its humanly not possible to keep track of all this. I used to enjoy watching the Mahabharatha but still the details very hazy.
Its been a few years now that I have been analysing things on my own.I dont believe anything just coz its been done in the world.Maybe its all true,maybe partly is and maybe nothing at all.I dont know.I used to think I am an Atheist at some point of time i.e I dont believe in the existence of God.Later I thought that it was too strong a term when I still do things I am supposed to/asked to like going to a temple,pray for a few seconds in the Puja room on the considered auspicious days.I dont have a problem doing such things nor really mind them.Atleast there is nothing wrong in all this,I cant sit and explain myself to everyone.Instead I just do things that are supposed to be done, it will definitely avoid people from considering me a social outcast or against god or anything stupid like that! It gives me some kind of peace being in specific temples like ISCON and the Shiva temple in blore.Its calm and there is something about the place.
There are days I go alone to a temple just coz I want to and not coz I have been asked to.I dont like being told anything more than once.I take a long walk,sit on the temple floors listening to the bhajans playing,people sitting with their eyes closed lost in thoughts or prayers,etc.Its very refreshing once in a while.
I am an Agnostic.
(An agnostic does not deny the existence of God and heaven but holds that one cannot know for certain whether or not they exist)
Afterall I am a science student,I need experimental proof.
Disclaimer: If I have hurt anyone's feelings/emotions/beliefs,it was not intended and I apologize for the same.